When Your Diplomat Is the Table’s Worst Diplomat

I’ve got a player who has been at it for years. He’s my best friend, and constantly begs me to run games of Star Wars for him. I’m always happy to run Star Wars, and every time he insists, “I’m not going to be crazy this time, I’ll keep it in check.”

He’s played a Wookiee doctor (who became a mad scientist, insisting on performing surgeries he was in no way talented enough to pull off), a Dwarf Quixotic Paladin (in our D&D campaign), a Bothan diplomat, a Betazoid Diplomat (in our Star Trek Adventures game), and now an Imperial public affairs officer. You’ll notice that most of his characters are all about talking. The problem? He’s terrible at diplomacy. He’d rather just roll the dice, because when he tries to be diplomatic, he utterly fails. Of course, his dice rolls aren’t hot either, so…

He comes up with bizarre plans, then everyone looks at him skeptically, he insists it will work, then he begins talking in character, and the ideas make no sense. He also insists on getting to roll dice to convince the other players at the table. I regularly have to tell him that other players can’t be convinced, he’s gotta do it himself by convincing them that they should go along with it.

My new nightmare: One of the new players at my table also comes up with ideas just as ridiculous and off the wall.

I know, right?

So, what’s some advice for how to manage players like this?

1. Don’t let other players dictate the diplomat’s actions. They can’t put words into his mouth, which is what my players have done in the past to fix his flubs. What happens is our diplomat throws out an absurd idea, then the players all interject, “NO! NO! SAY THIS INSTEAD! (Insert actually good idea)” “Oh, yes,” the diplomat says, saying this new thing instead, instead of his own idea. I’m not allowing this anymore. They have to let what he says play out, usually to horrific consequences.
2. Provide opportunities for practice. One problem may be that the diplomat hasn’t been given enough opportunities to try out their diplomacy skills. By creating scenes that are simple enough that they can make good decisions without throwing the entire session out of whack.
3. Roll with it. This is what I’ve done for a long time. Make them face the consequences of their actions. Sometimes, making a stupid decision can lead to disaster.
4. Say “No.” Here’s the thing. One time, as the Betazoid officer, he tried to stop a phaser battle in the middle of a hallway, trying to get the Romulans whose ship we were on to “talk it out.” Say no. sometimes, diplomacy isn’t the right solution. I know we’re all taught the “say Yes or roll the dice” rule, but sometimes, just rolling the dice lead to absurd and world-breaking situations. There’s no way Tiamat, facing of against a group of heroes, will suddenly stop breathing fire because the party’s Cleric rolled a 20 to get her to stop fighting for a chat. Sometimes, no IS the answer.
5. Put your foot down. If your other players aren’t enjoying themselves because of your diplomat, you should put down your foot, explain to the player they’re making everyone miserable, and need to change their character. It’s the worst case scenario, but if you have to choose between one player being happy and the whole rest of your table, the group wins out.

What do you think? Are any of my tips out of bounds for a GM? Have you ever encountered this player? Let me know in the comments.