I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In

When their character hits zero hit points, they stand up, throw their pencil on the ground, and shout, “I guess I’m dead, then!” and look at you accusingly (never mind that they’re currently unconscious because of their own failures or that this is the third time in as many weeks this has happened).

Any time the characters encounter anything that involves making a plan, they’re the first to pipe up, “I don’t know if this will work but…” and then rattle off a longwinded plan that most certainly won’t work. When you’re reading flavor text from a character, and they continue to shout over you, “I shoot him with my bow! Can I hit him from here?!” you quickly respond, “no, he’s too far away,” in order to get back to the text to finish relaying some plot to everyone else enjoying it; “How far?” he asks, before insisting that because of this feat he took, it shouldn’t be a problem.

It’s the problem player. I won’t say I have one at my table… but I have one at my table. No matter how many times you, or any of the rest of your group tries to push forward with the story, he’s there, interrupting, trying to put all of the focus on himself, demanding you look up a spell instead of using his own PHB. I’ve spoken about this guy, back in September. That post had been about a few different players, but now we’re down to one. We’re nearing the end of the campaign, where we’ll be splitting up into different groups afterward. I don’t plan on having him at my table, but I thought I’d just rant a little and make sure that you all knew: It’s not just your table. Every table has one of those guys.