Gaming with Significant Others
This post originally appeared October 18, 2008.
Almost every RPG player has faced it: either playing a game with your significant other, or playing in a game where a couple was playing.
I’ve heard a lot of horror stories. Some tell of a GM who would give their significant other a break, or sneak a little extra cash their way, or two players who would get into arguments, obviously letting outside conflicts enter the game.
I personally, have never had that problem.
I had a girlfriend a few years back who I got into roleplaying with the Serenity RPG. That group consisted of me and my girlfriend, and a buddy and his girlfriend. We never had any kind of issue with favoritism or anything. In fact, I think it helped a lot, because everyone knew each other very well, and felt more comfortable speaking in-character, or taking risks.
Playing now with my wife, I’ve found that it’s easy to not worry about her getting mad at me, mostly because she’s not the type to get mad at me after the game because she ended up overrun with undead skeleton minions attacking her. She sees it as just a game, and doesn’t let it affect her. Also, being married, you don’t have to worry about whether this girl will break up with you if her character dies. I’ve heard stories. It’s happened.
How about all of you? Have you had any issues with your players when significant others are involved?
I had a gf that had been doing roleplaying before I met her. I also DM’d for her and her kids. All was fine. When I DM’d for her and some of my friends then the trouble started.
She then became upset after the game becuase I didn’t show favourtism towards her. I treated her like any other player in the group during the game. She felt that I should have treated her special because she was my gf.
Yet, she was treated the exact same in prior roleplaying when it wasn’t my friends that were there and it was just her and her kids.
It can be more complex and there are more sub-text that can be going on in a game and the ‘discussions’ after the game.
I know there are lots of complaints about couples gaming, but it has rarely been a problem for me. In the first adult game I played in, the GM’s husband was a regular player. The only differences I noticed were that his character’s tended to take on the role of host, making sure all the new players were welcomed and equipped and providing exposition based on many years of play. Now I still occasionally play in the same game, together with their three kids who don’t seem to get any special treatment either. (Mac is much nastier to her own kids than I would ever dream of being to children that age….)
I later played in a game where the GM’s girlfriend was sort of a munchkin, but that game sucked for so many reasons that I don’t think the gf had anything to do with making it worse.
Over the years, I have been in many games with couples as players. Sometimes they get distracting as people, but I haven’t noticed any consistent patterns with their character’s interactions. I was in an interesting game where a couple co-GM’ed, which was kind of an experiment and worked out OK, if a bit schizoid.
My own wife occasionally plays in my games. She is sort of an extreme personality in the game, and I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the players had issues with her, but I think that’s
her, not us as a couple. She is not a serious RPG’er and has different attitudes and expectations from many of my RPG friends.
.-= Russell´s last blog ..Action Now! Time is almost up! =-.
My wife was a gamer, but not a rpg gamer when we were dating. After marriage, she became interested in “trying out” roleplaying with me. many years later, she’s a regular player in all the games that I either run or play in. (Hey, I’m not ALWAYS the GM!)
She’s even (finally) ventured into the role of GM this month for the first time ever!
I’ve never given her any breaks or special treatment and she’s never expected it. I suspect that her strong sports background (semi-pro soccer player from childhood until her early 20′s) may be behind this attitude as she’s quite competitive and does expect or look for any breaks from those she plays with in any game.
I’ve only ever played with my ‘significant other’, he’s the one who introduced me to the game. Sometimes he’s a player sometimes he’s the DM. I can’t deny there have been occasions of favouritism when he is DM but I don’t think (I hope at least!) this has caused any conflict in our gaming group. When we are both players it is slightly different, in a current campaign our PCs have been friends since childhood and they are supportive to one another in a platonic way. But this is just how things have worked out, our relationship translating into a different kind of partnership in D&D land. In other games our characters have been quite antagonistic of each other in a well-meant, competitive way. It’s just a game, like you say, and we’re there to have fun. It is interesting to see how relationships develop in campaigns. In another campaign my PC was a twin of another player’s PC, being an only child I found it very interesting to roleplay. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable it must be to witness a couple dealing with an underlying issue in their relationship round the gaming table!
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I’ve only seen one instance of couple drama in my (short) gaming career, and that’s when I started dating one of the players at my old gaming group. It made everyone else really insecure for some reason, and we eventually left rather than deal with another derailing argument of, “You knocked that lizardman prone so that YOUR GIRLFRIEND could hit him, didn’t you? Thanks to you I just wasted an arrow trying to hit him, jerk!”
We game with a different group now. All the players are older and similarly paired off, and there hasn’t been any couple drama. My experiences have made me very conscious of my interactions with my S.O. at the gaming table, though. I don’t want seem like I’m favoring him or descend into anything too lovey-dovey, so I overcompensate by teasing him. Thankfully he knows not to take what I say seriously.
I met my wife because we were both gamers. I ran a BBS in Brooklyn, NY (Paranoia BBS) dedicated to roleplaying games. She was a player who called my BBS. We started talking when I called to verify her account, met, dated, played RPG’s, got engaged, got married and now we have 3 kids. She stopped playing at some point after we were married… I tease her and say she just used it to find a husband. Truth is, as we got older, we had to push our games later and later and she was never good at staying up late. She’s always been supportive.
I was blamed, once, for favoritism. I happened to have an isometric map of the location she was teleporting to and, when she came in low, it ended up that there was nothing there for her to teleport into so I said she wasn’t killed by it. It didn’t help that someone teleported in low just the week prior with no such luck. I’m STILL challenged to produce that map and, though it was 20+ years ago, I likely still have it… and will. In the meantime, I get teased about it from time to time.
Honestly, if I looked at it objectively, I think I threw MORE stuff at her to ensure no one would perceive favoritism.
I game with my husband quite a bit and we don’t have any issues now. When he was first starting to teach me I’d get frustrated at him because I didn’t know what was going on. Luckily, he was patient with me and now have fun with it. I do know other couples who can’t game together, not because of favoritism but because they annoy each other too much.
I have been playing before I met my fiance. And I’ve molded him into a fine geek over the year (and introduced him to table top games). For the most pat we don’t have any issues. When I GM I treat him the same, but he gets bitchy if he doesn’t get loot, or enough loot. or enough gold. He’s a greedy player no matter the campaign, but when I DM I get more shit for it because he feels I should, “Know what he likes and make sure he’s pleased after a quest.”
And then I started to play low gold campaigns to try and break him of it. That’s…not working.