Spells Not Worth Memorizing

Number of Views :999

Have you ever looked over a spell list and wondered what it’s doing among such powers as polymorph and fireball?

I found a post up online titled “Spells Not Worth Memorizing.” Here it is, for your amusement.

1  Acid Trip

2  Affect Abnormal Fires

3  Affect Normal Foyers

4  Air Breathing  (land-dwellers only)

5  Airshape (like Stoneshape, but with normal air)

6  Airy Air

7  Alamir’s Freeway Breakdown

8  Alamir’s Fundamental Theorem

9  Algorithm  I-III

10  Anger God

11  Animate Bread

12  Anti-Anti-Magic Shell  (Pro-Magic Shell?)

13  Anti-Magic Eggshell

14  Anti-Magic Magic Missle

15  Anti-Magic Magic Mouth

16  Antipathy Orb

17  Audible Grammar

18  Audible Hammer  (of the M.C. variety)

19  Auditable Glamour

20  Augmented Chord I, ii, III, iv, V, VI, vii

21  Bad Lighting

22  Badly Programmed Illusion

23  Become Dead  (reverse of Resurrect Self)

24  Bigby’s Assertive Finger

25  Bigby’s Clenched Teeth

26  Bigby’s Critically Fumbling Hand

27  Bigby’s Glove  (colors the various Bigby’s Hand spells, no bonus)

28  Bigby’s Groping Hand

29  Bigby’s Hairy-Palmed Hand

30  Bigby’s Insulting Hand  (the second finger is rather prominent)

31  Bigby’s Limp-Wristed Hand

32  Bigby’s Shadow-Animal Making Hands

33  Bigby’s “Shush”ing Hand

34  Black & White Spray

35  Blind Self

36  Bold Monster

37  Bookworm Blast

38  Break-Wind Wall

39  Break the Wind

40  Bubbling Rainstorm

41  Burning Hands  (Yours, ouch)

42  Can Trip (And does!)

43  Change Elf

44  Charm Dead

45  Charm Friends

46  Charm Groupie

47  Charm Potted Plants

48  Charm Self

49  Charm Undead (X rated version)

50  Cheeseball

51  Circling the Square  (i.e. Times, Trafalger, Tiannemen)

52  Clause of the Lawyer

53  Clear Audience  (usually follows Delayed Blast Flatulence)

54  Clone Undead

55  Clown

56  Color Safe Spray

57  Compulsive Disorder

58  Cone of Bubbles

59  Conjure Emmenthaler

60  Contact This Plane

61  Continual Bad Lighting

62  Continual Right  (a political spell)

63  Control Casting Time (controls the casting time of this spell only)

64  Control Feather

65  Copyright Shroud

66  Crass Suggestion

67  Create Coat Hanger

68  Cure Animal Hide

69  Cure Light Winds

70  Cure Smoked Ham

71  Cure STD

72  Current Life

73  Cylons, 10′ Radius

74  Cymbal

75  Dalamar’s Whoopee Cushion  (things that make you go hmmmm)

76  Darkness, 15 micron radius

77  Daylight (material components: must be cast outdoors in bright sunlight)

78  Deathwish

79  Deeppocket Lint

80  Delayed Blast Cantrip

81  Delayed Blast Flatulence

82  Delayed Blast Spitball

83  Demand Blindness

84  Demi-Shadow Puppets

85  Deny Reality

86  Detect Crying

87  Detect Dead (Yep, he’s dead alright…)

88  Detect Detect Spells

89  Detect Hound

90  Detect Lightning Bolts  (area: 5′)

91  Detect Pervert

92  Detect Pink Bunny Rabbits

93  Detect Self  (allows you to see if you are yourself)

94  Detect Strikes and Spares

95  Detect Tragic  (oooh, theres a sad happening over there!)

96  Detect Unseen Butler

97  Detect Visibility (Yep, I can see that)

98  Detect Weevil

99  Detect Wind

100  Differentiate Without Error  (Hey, you never know…)

101  Dimension Doorknob

102  Dispell Nonmagical Reptiles & Amphibians

103  Dispurse Self

104  Doug

105  Doug’s Generic Spell

106  Drain Vaccuum

107  Draw Upon Religious Right

108  Drawmij’s Court Summons

109  Drawmij’s Instant Cake Mix

110  Drawmij’s Instant Coffee  (components: hot water and cup)

111  Drawmij’s Instant Death  (Drawmij’s CON must be about -30 by now…)

112  Earthly Chorus

113  Enchanted Toothpick

114  Enlightening Bolt

115  Enrage Dragon

116  ESPN

117  Ethertalk

118  Evard’s Black Growth (range: 0)

119  Evard’s Black Testicles

120  Evard’s Blue Testicles

121  Explosive Familiar  (it’s *your* familiar)

122  Explosive Friends

123  Extension Cord I, II, and III

124  Extinguish Match  (casting time: 5 rounds)

125  Face Grasp

126  Fear of Sunmotes

127  Feather Brain

128  Feather Flail

129  Feign Life  (as if the caster has one)

130  Feign Orgasm

131  Find Acquaintance

132  Find Floor (somatic component: falling on face)

133  Find Hand

134  Finger of Near-Fatal Injury

135  Finger of Plead

136  Fire Alarm

137  Fire Rap

138  Fire Stick

139  Fireball (reversed)

140  Fiscal Projection

141  Fist of Flesh

142  Fleshskin  (range: self)

143  Fool’s Lead

144  Foresee Unseen Butler

145  Forget Spells (area: self)

146  Forehead

147  Foreskin

148  Fourier’s Transformation

149  Furball

150  Furry Fire

151  Gaze at Reflection

152  Geese

153  Get Flu

154  Get Life

155  Glassteal  (swipe that beermug from that unsuspecting peasant)

156  Globe of Vulnerability

157  Grate

158  Graze reflection  (if someone hurts your knee)

159  Guess Alignment

160  Hair Extension I, II, III

161  Hallucinatory Escape

162  Hallucinatory Train

163  Hand of Skin

164  Hatch Egg (somatic component: sit on egg)

165  Heal Monster  (only works on opponents during combat)

166  Heel

167  Hold Bladder

168  Hold Mustard

169  Hold Self

170  Hornung’s Gas

171  Hornung’s Police Dispatcher

172  Housefly

173  Hug Self

174  Illusion Debugger  (for Badly Programmed Illusions)

175  Illusionary Crypt

176  Iggy’s Invisible Illusion

177  Illegal Thoughts  (That serving wench looks older than 18)

178  Implosive Runes

179  Impress Plants

180  Improper Suggestion

181  Indirection  (address register postincrement)

182  Indivisibility  (The caster is a prime number)

183  Insect Plague, 5′ Radius

184  Integrate  (reversible, Differentiate)

185  Invisibility to Inanimate Objects

186  Invisibility to Dead

187  Invisible Talker

188  Irritate Self

189  Kender Summoning I, II, III

190  Kitchen Sink

191  Knock Knock

192  Know Own Alignment

193  Know Person  (in the biblical sense of the word…)

194  Kooshball

195  Legend Bore

196  Legend Lore, Extended Dance Mix

197  Leomund’s Condemned Shelter

198  Leomund’s Grass Hut

199  Leomund’s Mortgaged Shelter

200  Leomund’s Risky Tax Shelter

201  Leomund’s Secure Chest Cavity

202  Leomund’s Sturdy Music Box

203  Leomund’s Tap

204  Leomund’s Underfunded Homeless Shelter

205  Level Water

206  Lightning Blot

207  Limited Dish  (Sorry sir, the Dover Sole is off)

208  Limited Wash

209  Locate Right Hand

210  Locate Self  (tells you where you are, relative to your location)

211  Locate Tongue  (requires verbal component)

212  Locate Wizard  (the _nearest_ wizard)

213  Lorloveim’s Shady Deal

214  Lose Familiar  (Get lost, ya wee booger!)

215  Lower Cholesterol Level

216  Lower Inhibitions

217  Maggot Missle

218  Magic Boomeranging Missile

219  Magic Gristle

220  Magic Jar-Jar

221  Magic Missal  (A really boring prayersheet)

222  Magic Moth

223  Magic Orifice

224  Magic Shotglass  (as opposed to Magic Jar)

225  Mail of the Banshee  (victim gets letter saying “Waaaaaahh…”)

226  Maize

227  Matrix Addition

228  Mauve Earth

229  Meld, Canasta Version

230  Melf’s Acid Bow

231  Melf’s Acid Trip

232  Melf’s Minute Rice

233  Melodramatic Phantom Defenders

234  Memorize Spell

235  Meatier Swarm

236  Meteor Swan

237  Micrometeorite Storm

238  Mildly Surprising Grasp

239  Minor Delousing

240  Mistaken Identify

241  Mistaken Thought  (Gee, guys, it _looked_ like a Gas Spore)

242  Moaning Spirit

243  Mordenkainen’s Agnostic Hound

244  Mordenkainen’s Aroused Hound  (can’t get it off of the nearest leg)

245  Mordenkainen’s Big Ears (+1 to all hearing checks, ear size quadrupled)

246  Mordenkainen’s Bored Cat

247  Mordenkainen’s Celery

248  Mordenkainen’s Conjunction (Conjunction Junction, what’s your function?)

249  Mordenkainen’s Faithful Mosquito

250  Mordenkainen’s Freeway Junction

251  Mordenkainen’s Lubrication

252  Mordenkainen’s Sword, -1 Backbiter

253  Mordenkainen’s Unfaithful Wife

254  Move Venus

255  Muenster Summoning I-VII

256  Murder Darkness

257  Murdoch’s Featherless Fryer  (Verbal component: “Butterball”)

258  Murdock’s Feathery Pillow

259  Nahal’s Banana Peel  (appears under random ally’s foot)

260  No Time

261  No Vacancy

262  Nystul’s Undetectible Aura

263  Otiluke’s Happy Fun Sphere

264  Otiluke’s Resilient Ear

265  Otiluke’s Room Temperature Sphere

266  Otto’s Irresistible Disco-Duck

267  Otto’s Resistable Dance

268  Paraphrase Magic

269  Part Hair

270  Pastel Blade of Warm Fuzzies  (9th level Drow spell)

271  Penultimate Fall

272  Phantasmal Fork

273  Phantasmal Morse

274  Phantasmal Thriller

275  Plane XOR

276  Polymorph Mother

277  Power Word Missing

278  Power Word, NO!

279  Power Word, Noogie

280  Power Word, Puke

281  Power Word, Pun

282  Power Word, Smirk

283  Power Word, Spam

284  Power Word, Wedgie

285  Protection from Catnips

286  Protection from Elvis, 10′ Radius

287  Protection from Evil Knievel

288  Protection from Halitosis

289  Protection from Normal Air

290  Protection from Normal Missals

291  Protection from Normal Oxygen

292  Protection from Normal Pillows

293  Protection from Self

294  Protection from Weevil

295  Psychoanalyze Without Error  (Zo, ven dit you shtop lofink your mutter?)

296  Purge Memory

297  Putrefy Offal

298  Rainbow Enhancer

299  Random Casualty

300  Rary’s Mnemonic Cancer  (eats away at those favorite spells)

301  Rary’s Mnemonic Device  (makes silly acronyms out of things)

302  Rary’s Pneumonic Cough (range: self)

303  Read Common

304  Rectum of Retention

305  Reincarnation Door

306  Remove Hand  (yours)

307  Remove Minus Sign (reversible)

308  Remove Nurse (“Good-Byyyeeee Nurse!”)

309  Remove Reality

310  Remove Self

311  Remove Strong Language

312  Reservation

313  Rest Erection

314  Resurrect Living

315  Resurrect Self  (problem: must be alive to cast the spell)

316  Reverse Graffiti

317  Rice Storm

318  Rock Summoning I

319  Sepia Cake Sigil

320  Serten’s Smell Immunity

321  Sheepskin

322  Shocking Gasp  (usually follows Tenser’s Shocking Suggestion)

323  Silence of the Lambs, 15′ radius

324  Sleep with Dead  (yuck… unless you’re a real Necromancer)

325  SmorgasMorph

326  Soap-on-a-Rope Trick

327  Solid Frog

328  Speak With Boring Monsters

329  Speak With Dead Plants

330  Speak With Grateful Dead

331  Speak With Living  (components: two tin cans and a string)

332  Speak With Mud

333  Speak With Self

334  Sucker  (for those of you who actually cast the spell)

335  Summon Allergy

336  Summon Death  (Death arrives and kills the caster)

337  Summon Self

338  Swift Envelope

339  Tape Mount

340  Tasha’s Controllable Mildly Unpleasant Laughter

341  Tasha’s Uncontrollable Bladder

342  Tasha’s Uncontrollable Hideous Daughter  (a.k.a. ST:TNG’s “Sela”)

343  Tasha’s Uncontrollable Hideous Die Rolls

344  Tasha’s Uncontrollable Hideous Flatulence

345  Tasha’s Uncontrollable Hideous Gesture

346  Tasha’s Uncontrollable Hideous Hand

347  Tax Avoidance

348  Taunt a Second Time

349  Teleport Environment

350  Teleport With Lots of Errors

351  Teleport Without Destination

352  Teleport Without Terror

353  Tenser’s Double-Sided, Double Density Disk

354  Tenser’s Floating Point

355  Tenser’s Formatted Disk

356  Tenser’s Gloating Disk

357  Tenser’s Shocking Suggestion  (you want to WHAT??!)

358  Tenser’s Slipped Disk

359  Tenser’s Deadly Resurrection

360  Tensor Transformations

361  This Space for Rent  (fills up space on a scroll or in a mage’s memory)

362  Time Start

363  Tonguetwister Change

364  Tons

365  Transmute Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust  (priest spell)

366  Transmute Friends to Enemies

367  Transmute Head to Butt

368  Transmute RGB to HSV

369  Transmute Rock to Stone (reversible)

370  Transmute Rock to Jazz

371  Trap the Sole  (see Limited Dish)

372  Turn Friends Into Enemies

373  Turn Pebble  (rotation, not banishment)

374  Undefined Symbol

375  Unenlightening Bolt

376  Unheard Servant

377  Unscented Cloud

378  Unseen Manservant

379  Unseen Pervert

380  Unseen Sympathy

381  Vampiric Breathing  (perfect for harassing phone calls)

382  Vampiric Crutch

383  Varnish

384  Visible Stalker

385  Walk

386  Wall of Dog

387  Wall of Horse

388  Wall of Non-Dairy Creamer

389  Wall of Non-Violent Protestors

390  Wall of Normal Air

391  Wall of Paper

392  Wall of Velcro

393  Waste

394  Wink

395  Wizard Eyebrow

396  Wizard Lick

397  Wizard Nostril

398  Wizard Stain

399  You Wish!

400  ZX-Spectral Force